this time of the year

   

       What my heart is telling me to do? I don't know. Maybe I am trying too hard to hear it.

Every August I always feel this sadness . I always remember and miss the person who left us two years ago during this month and season. I still can feel the pain, I can still remember the incident, I can still feel the tears that flowed from eyes that time. - alter ego

Umuulan..... natatakot ako habang maagang gumising ng araw na yun. Kahit pagod sa nagdaang pagkapuyat alam kong kailangan kong maghanap ng donor ng dugo dahil naghihintay sya sa ospital. Naghihintay sya na masalinan ng dugo para madugtungan ang kanyang buhay.

Naglalakad ako habang umuulan. Naghahanap ng mga tao na makakatulong. Natatakot dahil baka huli na ang lahat ngunit umaasa na may paraan pa. Nang sa huli nabigo akong makakita ng tao na maaring tumulong sa kin, nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula sa aking kapatid ,sabi nya kailangan na namin pumunta  sa ospital. Hindi ko alam ang pakiramdam pero alam kong kailangan na naming pumunta ng ospital ng araw na yun. Pinuntahan ko ang aking ate upang sabihin na kailangan na naming pumunta sa ospital.

Nasa byahe kami ng muli may tumawag sa amin... ang aming isa pang kapatid na nasa ibang bansa. Umiiyak at tinatanong kami kung nasaan na kami sa oras na yun. Naguguluhan ako, bakit sya umiiyak... sabi nya sa oras na yun ay pilit na palang nire-revive ng mga doctor ang aming ina.

Habang nasa byahe kami papuntang ospital hindi ko alam gagawin ko.... gusto kong lumipad para sa isang saglit ay nasa tabi na nya kami, gusto kong huminto ang pag ikot ng mundo, gusto ko ipaalam sa buong mundo na kailangan ko ng tulong.

Pagdating naming sa ospital nakita ko sya... nakahiga walang buhay.........
Hindi ko alam ang gagawin, kung ano ang tama kong gawin...ang natatandaan ko lang sumigaw ako at umiiyak ng umiiyak.

Umiiyak ako habang bumubuhos ang malakas na ulan. Bumubuhos ang malakas na ulan kasabay ng mga patak ng luha sa mga mata ko. Wala akong nararamdaman, wala akong gustong maramdaman......

Dalawang taon na ang lumipas pero parang kahapon lang ang lahat... sariwa pa din ang sakit, sariwa pa din sa aking alaala.

Naaalala kita nanay... at sobra na kitang namimiss

give me time... and i will create a world

I am not a real photographer! I do not have a background. I can say ..... I am somehow a trying hard one in that sense. What I only know is that , I am always happy to try new things and for those people who knew me would say ... She will do something new if she feels bored of the old one. 

I am a person who will always find time to try things new to me. Whether  difficult or not, whether expensive or cheap, whether possible or impossible! That is how impulsive I am!

I tried swimming, biking, hiking, playing badminton, pole dancing ( I failed , the doctor said that it is not good for person with scoliosis ) , sign language interpreting and as I said earlier I also tried taking some pictures anywhere, anytime. I obey no rule! Just merely random.

The first image that I took

I was very excited at the same time nervous. I just used any thing that I saw in the kitchen and this what I found. I used the green apple and put it on a blue plate. I just took advantage of the free light coming from the sun. I can say that the experience was immeasurable.

From then on , I always bring my camera with me. I told myself that I need to take the opportunity to take pictures on anything that catches my attention.

a picture from one of the tables in Starbucks in Subic

It was the get together day of our high school class when we got to Subic to try the Tree Top Adventure and had the chance to try the Subic branch of Starbucks. I just took a picture of one of the tables since I have not seen any good subject around. I did this while my fellows were busy listing their orders of coffee.

a picture of the legs of one of my friends

I have a friend who is also fond of doing things I want to try. She is my usual companion in everything. She is my partner in badminton class and my mate in hiking adventure. We took this picture in one of the places in our town during our weekend break . I just asked her to stand at the grass because I saw a nice concept.


One of the my favorite subjects in taking photos are flowers because of their colors. I love to see how they look like in closer view.
These are one of my shots:

a photo from our Sagada Trip

a photo from our Baguio trip

a photo from our Bontoc trip

Flowers are indeed satisfying subject. I have many of these but I only posted some, I am afraid that readers will all love them.

MODS

I also tried to take  photos of my favorite models. They are very willing to do poses for me. I do not make any effort to direct them, and the most exciting part is that they have no talent fees. Why? they are my friends. We enjoyed doing it, it has a lot of fun and it serves as our bonding time.

a picture of my first mod photoshoot with the models

It was an ordinary day when I asked them to pose for me then everything is as if so natural. It is really a blessing to have friends who love you so much and really cannot say no to you. Descriptions of these women and their characteristics manifested in each photo they have.

a photo of a carefree woman who has her own artistic side

What I told her when I took this shot was to be herself. Do everything she wanted, explore!

a photo of a woman who endured things and still gained composure despite it

                 I cannot believe she will pose like this that time and I was very happy to see the result.

a photo of a fearless woman 

She has the most model attitude type. When I told them, "Okay , get ready" , the other two women will prepare for their poses but she.... she is already ready and all smile. And as the light flashes , she will surely be ready for the her next pose.


Those things I experienced, I will treasure my whole life. And I will still be willing to try new things, to explore without fear, with perseverance , with fierce . Just give me time.... :)

annoying

There are really people around who will keep on annoying you whether they mean it or not.

It was that Friday morning when I was about to go to the city for a particular mission when I heard the news about this girl who met an accident ( I know the girl because she is known for flirting men around) . I told myself , "well she deserved it". I know it was wrong to feel that way but I also know in my heart that I mean it.

Then what annoyed me most was when I discovered that someone helped her or rescued her in the accident. He was a married man who used to flirt by her. Oh no! that is something. I really felt that I hate her ... I do not know why but I really hate her.

Today , that I am celebrating my birthday , I promise myself that I will pay less attention to people who are giving me ill feelings. I promise myself that I will not mind you anymore.

just when i thought i was over you

It was that morning when I  realized the feelings are still there. Natatandaan ko tumulo pa nga luha sa mga mata ko habang naiisip yun. I never thought that after many years of not seeing each other eh crush pa rin kita at lagi ko naaalala yung feelings na yun yung tinatawag na KILIG. 

But there is something funny.What is ...? The truth ... the truth that we are both committed makes me think that I am wasting my time. Maybe it is really about time to stop this nonsense feelings. I always regret when I reminisce those times that I had the time to tell you how important you are to me. ..how I can be so happy ...but it didn't happen and now what I only have are those memories..those memories that are giving me heartaches most of the time. I know this feeling will pass and I want it to happen now.

Because every time that I got the chance to talk to you I am hurt ..... I thought I was over you ..... But I was not..
 :(

give me time

i am so guilty...

to be so busy for couple of months that i wouldn't able to pay you attention

to exclude you in my schedule

to forget that I have my obligation to you

to spend a lot of time on other things

i am sooo guilty ...

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really i am.. for that, i want to say

sorry my alter ego and i promise that

i will make it up to you

just give me time...